this paper is not quite ready for a grade. There are multiple challenges for content, and for organization that directly influences content. These problems lose logic and cohesion, two big goals of an analysis essay.
Now, there is also good news. You can learn to write analytically. The first step is to revise this paper using my comments.
The comments are inserted into the essay text, but in a special way. Feedback comments are inserted into the text. I do not use call-out boxes in the margin. Heres why: I think students need to see at-a-glance the impact of the words used, and the word/idea order. Placing the comments into the text means you must deal with word sequence, sentence sequence, missing explanations, etc, as you try to find the message of the paper.
But students also need to know what to fix. To add help, the specific problem text is highlighted. Then explanation of the problem, resources to turn to, and specific sentence suggestions are given in blue font. LSIntroduction
In the modern business landscape, companies and individuals are yearning for new connections, building their brands and generating leads (Sherman, 2014). However, the process is hectic with stiff competition in the markets. Technological advancements, online payments, and online selling makes companies think about ways to strategize and tap the resources. The recruiters and interviewers on LinkedIn are looking for the best talents, but without a good connection, it is a problem. In the Consumer- to- consumer, Business-to-Business, and Business-to- Consumer relationships, LinkedIn is the true game changer (LinkedIn Corporation, 2014). The professional networking website is widely used in the workplace in three different ways which include marketing solutions, talent solutions, and premium subscriptions. The subsequent change in the leadership over the years has led to an advanced analytics system which encourages job posting and ads for specific users.
The company was founded in 2002 by Reid Hoffman but went live on May 5, 2003. Currently, Jeff Weiner is the CEO of the company. Through the platform, individuals and companies are linked through their LinkedIn pages. Moreover, there are over one million LinkedIn groups at the moment. Like its competitor Twitter and Facebook, LinkedIn is currently available in at least twenty languages. The organizational structure under the guidance of Jeff Weiner over the last few years has resulted in growth opportunities and financial health. The ever-increasing user activity over the years is expanding the customer base. The business case covers the following sections: ?? Confusing management of these two sentences.
1. There is a gap between the idea of LinkedIns expanding customer based and introducing the analysis of the business. Another sentence is needed. Or, the 2nd sentence should be a new paragraph.
2. The 2nd sentence would be more clear if you listed the topics for the section to complete the sentence, like this:
The business case analysis covers these topics: size, goals, corporate culture, hierarchy, and organizational mindset.
As formatted the sentence is confusing. Further this sentence serves as the essay purpose or thesis statement, which makes it more important that the sentence be clearer.
The social networking site?? Aim to write more specifically. Insetad of using a descriptive term as you begin the analysis, use the name of the company, LinkedIn. Two reasons: 1st, Introducing the name, LinkedIn, reminds the reader of the subject of your analysis. 2nd, the first phrase social networking site is very similar to professional networking platform, plus, both terms are abstract, keeping your reader from understanding your topic.
was founded in 2002 as a professional networking platform.
The company began from a humble background. In the first month, the firm saw a whopping 4,500 members with two members signing up for every second by the end of the month. ?? Ideas in these sentences lack cohesion. You begin by describing humble background then you talk about a whopping 4500 membership growth. There is a gap between the ideas that needs more explanation. (LinkedIn Corporation, 2014).
Additional challenge: The tone of the essay reads like a marketing article. Change the tone to be more formal. To help you understand the embedded expectations for academic, analytical essays–what you were asked to write– search YouTube for videos presented by Shawn Mendes. He explains whats needed for academic writing, and each video is about 3-4 minutes long.
By the end of 2017, LinkedIn had a total of over 565 million users in 200 countries. As mentioned previously, the platform is available in over twenty languages. ?? This sentence is not needed. Aim to avoid repeating ideas when writing analytically.
Out of the millions of users, about 106 million are active users. In 2011, the Initial Public Offering (IPO) traded at $45 per share which rose by over 100% in the first few days. In the same year, the company earned $154.6 million through ads. The shares increased in its value to $196 by the end of 2016. In 2016, Microsoft acquired the company for a total of $26.4 billion. The amount was the economic value to the corporation. The move led to an increase in the number of employees to over 1,200 (Wolter, 2016). ?? While this description is an interesting collection of facts, the facts are not directly related to size. You imply size of the company. Your task is to write more specifically about 1-3 of these facts is about the size of LinkedIn, and the impact of that size.
Further, you did not employ (use) the Marcic Rating Scale. See the Grading Rubric in the Guide to the paper. In the content list of grading factors, you are asked to determine a rating for the size of LinkedIn.As written this section earns part credit due to missing analytical language.
Goal and corporate culture. ?? What are the reasons for combining these two topics? The Scales, which you were asked to use do not combine them. When you combine topics, it is very easy to skip important aspects of each scale, as the frame for your analysis. Do not combine topics in future assignments, unless you have emailed me 1st to inform/share your approach.
The goal and objective of LinkedIn is creating a digital map of the global financial economy via connecting talents with available chances at large scale. ?? Meaning unclear as written. Consider reading the words in the sentence aloud. See if you can explain them. Then re-write the ideas. The economic opportunity for each and every member of the world employment sector remains their primary goal. There is a successful and productive world connection of professionals all over (LinkedIn Corporation, 2014). ?? Where is information about the use of the Marcic Scale for goals? Where is the rating?
? Unclear meaning for this sentence. What does it mean to write .group which is looking forward to social and commercial benefits ? Words chosen are abstract.
Aim to make abstract terms more specific. One way is to write simpler sentences, without frequent use of clauses. You might write the ideas this way: LinkedIn is a creative company built on the need for professionals to communicate. The company strategy of professional communication provides important commercial benefits to the company and social benefits to its members. Do you see the difference when more words are added, and when, you avoid the clause beginning with which ?
The corporate culture arm aids organizations and companies embrace an imagine transformational change and develop sustainability, create goals and shared visions, define narratives and values, and communicate with workers. ?? What are the reasons for using the word arm when discussing company culture? Culture in a company is everywhere. It has no designated space or arm. Better approach delete arm and the idea will be clearer.
Now, the rest of the words in this sentence contain too many ideas pushed together. All of these words make the sentence incoherent. The problem when you use a string of ideas in one sentence is called a run-on sentence. For more information about this grammar problem see Purdue OWL and search for run-on sentences or see the Grammar Girl website and search there. Further, a discussion about LinkedIns culture, needs an example from your research that supports this explanation of culture. Without a good example for each topic, the analysis fails to earn points. Later, in this section you describe the five pillars of LinkedIn, but that example is not set up well, and so the section loses logic and coherence.
The shared thread via every project remains our blend of groundbreaking, creative, insight-driven, and innovative ideas strategy. There is pride in our LinkedIn culture. ?? Unclear format. Heres why: The language suggests that these words were copied from a source, and that the words are a direct quote–someone else wrote these words. Is that so? If you have copied the words of another, you may use them, but you must learn to write the words as a direct quote–use quotation marks, and either begin or follow the quoted words with an in-text cite that identifies the source of the quote. For examples of direct quote format, APA style, see Purdue OWL website and search for managing quotes, APA style.
Do not overlook the use of direct quote format. Kindly know that failure to identify words written by someone else can get you into serious trouble as a graduate student.
As the collective personality of the company, he?? Who is he? And how does the collective personality tie into he? What does the collective personality mean? More words are needed in the highlighted text so that you communicate what you are thinking.
Also know, that at first glance, the term collective personality is about many and the pronoun he is about one person. Yet, the sequence of the words suggests that the collective and one person go together. This use of many and singular makes what you are trying to write even more confusing.
Are you trying to communicate about the role of the LinkedIn CEO, Jeff Weiner, who has shaped aspects of LinkedIns culture? If so you might write something like this: LinkedIns culture functions as a collective personality of the company. But that personality has been shaped by its CEO, Jeff Weiner, whose leadership sets the company apart. One strategy Weiner has used is the five pillars, a set of statements that define the LinkedIn culture (LinkedIn).
sets the management and its customers apart, defines its company goals and missions, and shapes the aspirations. There are five pillars which hold onto the corporate culture including humor, integrity, collaboration, results, and transformation. The company values define the growth, change in the world and relationships in a unique way. LinkedIn culture serves as the foundation with demand for excellence, acting as owners and taking intelligence risks in the end.
Where is a rating for LinkedIns culture?
As written this section needs editing to earn credit.
Hierarchy and organizational mindset
?? Do not combine topics that have separate rating scales. See Guide.
The LinkedIn Companys structure is a vertical structure with both functional and divisional departments. It is a hierarchical, vertically integrated and functional structure which divides the work of the employees depending on the specialization (Galbraith, 2014). ?? Unclear format and therefore misleading. The sentence suggests that LinkedIn has an organizational structure that is hierarchical and vertical. Further, the wording implies that Galbraith, the writer of a general text on organizations, is writing about LinkedIn. If Galbraith is writing specifically about LinkedIn, then you need to add detail from Galbraith that documents his attention to LinkedIn.
From experience with many textbooks, my guess is that the Galbraith text is making a general statement about the role of hierarchy for the span of control in any organization. To use his idea well, then more description must be added. You might write something like this: One principle of company structure is the role of hierarchy and vertical reporting so that there is comprehensive integration of strategy (Galbraith). LinkedIn as a company, demonstrates aspects of this vertical integration. Then add what you observe when looking at the published organizational chart for LinkedIn. Complete the analysis of hierarchy by adding the rating, using the Marcic scale.
It is slightly different from the traditional forms of divisions like marketing, accounting, production, sales and marketing, research and development. As explained below,?? Highlighted text not needed. Delete to add cohesion.
there are many departments deviating from such a traditional form. The employees report directly to the heads of departments within their functional area. The heads of such department are central in coordinating and giving direction. All of the executives report to the CEO.
In the organization structure, Jeff Weiner is the current Chief Executive Officer. He is the overall leader and manages experienced executives from companies like PayPal, Electronic Arts, Microsoft, Yahoo, Tivo, and Google. Under the CEO, there are other sub-department including the CFO, Marketing and communication, editor in charge, engineering, legal and secretary, solutions, and products (LinkedIn Corporation, 2014). In engineering, there are technicians, software engineers, and designers in traditional engineering and artificial engineering. In solutions, there are individuals serving under sales and marketing solutions, learning solutions, business development, management, and sales solutions, marketing and agencies departments (https://www.theofficialboard.com/org-chart/linkedin#374124). ?? Highlighted text provides very detailed information. However, its placement detracts from the value of the information. Either move up and incorporate these facts earlier in the section, or delete.
The business structure with LinkedIn Company may be termed as mechanistic. There is centralization of decision making and authority, formalization of practices and procedures, and specialization of functions as highlighted above (Galbraith, 2014). The simplicity in organization and leading is seen in the venture. The bureaucratic structure is formalized with a centralized network. There is a well-defined hierarchy with the top leadership making most of the decision regarding the running of the affairs. There were looming rumors of a Monster company acquisition or merger in the late 2000s which did not materialize. The 2016 acquisition by Microsoft underlines the mechanistic kind of business structure that governs LinkedIn. At the beginning of 2017, LinkedIn bought an online learning company by the name Lynda (Kosoff, 2017). ?? Unclear! Too many ideas are pushed together and there is no anchor. Part of the problem is your decision to try and combine two topics– hierarchy and mindset. Sometimes people combine topics when they are uncertain about what needs to be said. If you do not understand aspects of organizational mindset, then lets find a time to talk.
As written this section earns no credit.
To revise the section take these steps:
1. Separate hierarchy and organizational mindset. Make these topics distinct.
2. For organizational mindset, start the section with a working definition. If Galbraith offers a definition of organizational mindset, then adapt his, but make certain you link the term organizational mindset to the factors he uses to describe. You can also use my working definition–Ive worked with dozens of companies on organizational mindset. Heres my definition: Organizational mindset describes the approach to strategy that the leadership takes. The strategy may push in the direction of being mechanical, with almost all actions assessed for their contributions to efficiency. Or, the strategy may push towards being more organic, with almost all actions evaluated for effectiveness. Mindset often reflects the number of years or life of the organization. Older, more established companies usually have a mechanical mindset. Younger or start-up companies lean towards organic–with strategies for innovation.
3. Then return to your original essay and locate the section describing organizational mindset. Use a print copy.
As you read, highlight or underline ideas you believe are important.
On a separate piece of paper make a list of the important ideas from your original essay.
4. Review the order of the ideas in the list. Think what order is most logical? Revise the list order.
5. Now re-write this section of the essay, following your revised list. Please add a rating based on the use of the Marcic Scale for Organizational Mindset.
These steps should make this section clearer and gain points for the assignment.
In the macro-analysis of LinkedIn, there are political, environmental, social, technological, economic and legal factors to consider. Politically, LinkedIn is facing government regulation and reforms on their economic ideologies. The issue of data security, the privacy of information, and access to the same remain a political issue. There are restrictions due to illegal actions like hacking of natural secured data and money laundering (Sherman, 2014). Economically, the GDP growth of the countries determines LinkedIn investments. The motive behind LinkedIn is facilitated by the employment rates as well as purchasing powers. As a social networking site, social factors such as behaviors are important to take into consideration. People should feel secure in their data from unauthorized persons. Ashley & Tuten, 2015). The varied opinions on the platform allow for freedom of interaction.
Technologically, social networking sites are undergoing rapid changes with social dynamics change. Therefore, LinkedIn is changing into advanced technology to entertain and serve its customers. Resume 2.0, Resume assistant, and advanced data analytics are some of the recent innovations. There are legal factors which determine the operation of businesses. LinkedIn should focus on the legislation for the smooth and comfortable running their sites. The legal requirement for the safe handling of data benefits the consumers as well as the company. In the end, there are environmental conditions (Sherman, 2014). The environmental settings and traffic audience is a fundamental function in shaping the future and expertise in content publishing.
The company has been heavily relying on two business models: harnessing user details and monetizing social networking to support its activities with an online recruiting service (Wolter, 2016). The revenues come from marketing solutions (advertisements), recruiting branch (talent solutions), and user charges from persons willing to expand their options (Premium subscriptions). Talent solutions are offered to the clients. The unique products are in the data-driven system, minimizing time and costs for search times in the sites. The single click allows for identification of geography, education, and training, experience, industry and job functions which are vital for deliberation with recruiting teams (Wolter, 2016). In the LinkedIn pages, there are individual and company pages which are charged for searching or posting jobs.
Marketing solutions are concentered on the personalized advertising model. In the user display page, the client may post links or graphics on their profile or pages to target viewers. The premium subscription clients vary considerably where customers in need of superior analytical or messaging capabilities require typical services. The premium subscriptions have sales professionals who are looking for sales targets and job seeker subscriptions for employment networking (Wolter, 2016). The engineer optimization increases the use of algorithms in the products. The superfluous optimization is necessary for an online tech-driven company like LinkedIn. There is an optimization at the right and high levels. LinkedIn and Microsoft are making the writing of resumes easier. There is Resume Assistant which is a new feature that offers great insights into the Microsoft Word application for the writing and updating of the profiles (Product News, 2017). Microsoft Office 365 offers ProFinder, Office Insider program and Open Candidates which are presented in a number of languages and a host of nations across the globe. ??
IMPORTANT Highlighted text describing the environment and technology strategies were not reviewed. I have spent 2+ hours reviewing this paper and believe that comments for earlier sections can assist you in thinking more about/editing these sections.
LinkedIn Company should continue with the innovation and security of personal information. Privacy of information is becoming a problem and to avoid a scenario like the one faced by Facebook with Cambridge Analytica Company, additional steps towards enhanced technology should take place.
LinkedIn should remain focused on its primary goal to avoid the misfortunes which faced Skype and Nokia after the merger with Microsoft. The two died and LinkedIn should avoid their mistakes.
The company should maintain its professional networking platform to keep at bay Facebook and Twitter in the career search and talent solutions. There is a need to address issues with spamming to refrain from a decline like that in Twitter growth at the moment.
There should be increased LinkedIn features with the recent acquisition of the Lynda online learning site to promote training and courses. Such high-quality features will maintain its customer bases and increase on the popularity.
?? Each of the recommendations presented is about a big and important idea, but the ideas are a little too big. Further each recommendation needed more context. 1-2 sentences that explained the problem or current situation. Without context, then you leave your reader to guess what you mean, and you lose coherence for the essay–points lost, too!
Here’s one way to solve the problems of this section.
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